Confessions of a stay at home mom...

Since I'm on vacation in my home town I figured I'd take a break from thrifting and write about things that have been on my mind lately. 

Let me start by saying I admire all mothers, working or staying at home. If you're doing what's best for your family, go you! I am recently a full time student, I work from home, my boyfriend is constantly away for work, it's summer and I have 5 year & 1 year old boys. 

^ reading that made me tired, seriously. Coffee anyone? Shots! Shots! Shots! Espresso shots - duh. 

Do you ever feel like as mothers, we are looked at as these invincible, forever patient, never tired creatures? I swear people think we function solely on caffeine & ..dreams? Who knows. I'm not afraid to say that I have my days where I feel like waving my little white flag and surrendering to the responsibilities of motherhood. Being a mother is the toughest job in the world. Maybe not physically, but emotionally. Before I sound like an ungrateful bitch, let me say that I love being a mother & staying home with my kids for that matter. My kids are my life. My boyfriend busts his ass and works hard for our family. In our case it is actually less expensive for me to stay home than work a full time job(been there, done that). 

However, I sometimes find myself jealous of the fact that my boyfriend is able to have an identity other than "daddy". He gets to travel to various cities and enjoy happy hour beers with coworkers, compliments of his fancy hotel. He can explore new cities in his downtime when he's away and not working. He comes home and I feel guilty to ask for help if I see him relaxing on the couch, because he deserves to. Meanwhile, I'm running on E yet still managed to cook a nourishing meal, bath the kids and clean the entire house. I run the show by myself a lot, so I think maybe it has to do with the pride of being able to "do it all" & not ask for help. Day in and day out, I find myself home the majority of the time, with the occasional errand running, grocery shopping or my favorite, Goodwill trips! :D 

Still, I at times feel like I completely surrendered my "Kristen" identity to being a mother 24/7. Once again, being a mother is a huge honor, but - everybody needs a damn break every once in a while. Maybe not even a vacation, just simply not having to ask for help when I'm past the point of running on fumes - for help to be offered. Or to take a bath and not hear "baby! What's wrong with Kaleb, he keeps crying!" Or hearing "go ask mommy she's downstairs on the treadmill". Peaceful moments are few and far between where I can drift back into "Kristen" for a split second. 

Sometimes I wish our significant others could step into our lives for a day and see what we actually endure. What we sacrifice. Giving up our sanity to be replaced with constant worry because of the deep love we have for our children. To experience just how exhausted and helpless we feel when we finally utter those three words "I need help". 

Maybe it's time I get myself back. I need to find a routine where I have the time to be Kristen. Everybody, mother or father deserves to have their own identity. Blogging and thrifting has definitely become my passion, but I believe I owe myself more. 

Mothers, we're superheroes disguised in yoga pants with messy ponytails. Nobody can do the things we do and not go absolutely crazy, and for that we should all be so proud, but don't forget to take time to be you. 

Until next time, 

Kristen




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