Haunted

Everybody has a past.

Everybody has skeletons in their closet that they try to hide. Maybe because we're embarrassed of who we used to be, or that those skeletons contain a tremendous amount of regret.

What is so frustrating, is that we can't take anything that we've done back. There's the saying "you can't start a new chapter if you keep re-reading the last one".

I was a huge party girl in highschool. I smoked pot, I drank, I dated alot of wrong guys. I had zero self esteem so I fed off of attention from unhealthy sources. No, I wasn't a slut...but I did definitely dated around and was extremely naïve, which earned me a bad reputation.

Today, at 27 years old, I'm a mother of 2..I work an honest job, I pay my bills on time and I am very in love with my boyfriend. I ignore messages in my inbox from anything with a penis, because I respect my relationship. I'm settled. I don't party. I don't so drugs. I rarely miss a day of work and most nights you'll find me at home, playing board games, cooking, cleaning, helping with homework, etc. I'm a very happy girl.

That doesn't mean that the past can't haunt you. Do I wish I could take back my party days? Yes. Do I wish that I had the confidence and balls to just tell someone "NO" the way I do now? Yes. You live and you learn. I'm not a bad person. I've been a bad person. Hell, I've been a bad friend, a bad daughter and a bad partner. I've also grown so much in my 20's. I don't require validation. I don't need a buzz to feel like I'm a fun person.

The past is just a story about you, and once you realize that it no longer has power over you.

It really upsets me when I see people who knew me from way back in the day make comments on how I was wild and crazy - because weren't we all? Everyone has gone through a rebellious stage. Maybe I'm the only one who will openly admit it though. We've all done things we're not proud of, but that doesn't define the being that I've fought like hell to become.

Moral of the story: Don't judge someone based off of what they used to do. People grow. They change. I don't need to be reminded that I made mistakes, because trust me I'm aware that I was a complete idiot when I was a teenager. I refuse to let someone make me feel ashamed of my past. However, I still don't understand why the first thing people tend to do when they see someone who they once knew, is start with..."well 10 years ago...". It's immature and annoying.

Not too many people can say they've lived, but are just now starting to live.

Im proud of who I am, mistakes, rumors, insane stories and all. My kids/grandkids will have some gnarly stories to hear someday. So what I went through my crazy stage from 14-17? Does doing it at a fancy 4 year university make somebody else any better? Nah. Whether you remember somebody for doing something good or bad, maybe just try to get to know them for who they are now.

Everybody dies, but not everybody lives.

Embrace who you are and don't apologize for it.

Love,

A former wild child