Whine about it Wednesday: Service Industry Edition

(So it's not quite Wednesday yet, but I'm enjoying a few moments of silence and some beer before I start adulting tomorrow all over again. Being that I'm a server, I thought I'd share some of the annoying things I deal with on a daily basis.

1.) "We know the owner!"

Me. Fucking. Too. I work for him. No, you don't get special treatment or free stuff. Please see red sign at the back of the building that says "GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!" & proceed with haste. K Thanx bye.

2.) "Hi welcome to ______, My name is Kri-"

"WATER. Lots of lemon."

Oh, I guess my birth certificate is fake, and my real name is WATER.

3.) Pricing. When you go to a restaurant, sit down and open up a menu - you are signing an invisible contract that you are aware of what you're buying and how much it is. Don't order friggin' filet mignon and lobster tail then act like you're going into cardiac arrest when the bill comes. No, you can't get this taken off, or that. Oh the food wasn't that good? Man, you shoulda said something before you ate the entire entrée you glutinous douche! Gah damn. What the shit biscuit. Guess what? You're still going to pay the bill and it's entirety.

4.) Running your server to death. I get it y'all. Sometimes it's a large party of people so maybe you miss the waitress when she comes to the table, cause kids are throwing crackers like they are hand grenades and Uncle Earl had too much scotch and forgot his hearing aid. BUT - when you start asking for things every time I come back to the table, please reevaluate your sense of time management. I've got Thelma at table 3 that needs a coffee warm up and if I don't bring that kid his third side of ranch he's going to go Full Metal Jacket up in this mother fucker. You're not my only table. I'm a server, not an Olympic 400 meter runner.

Plus, my legs are short anyways I can only go so fast!

5.) Letting little kids order. I get it, it's all cool to let your kids be independent and everyone loves to gawk at little Timmy stumbling over his words trying to order his "cheezbooger" - but not in the middle of a dinner rush when I got shit to do. TA TA TA TODAY JUNIOR! My smile tells you I think it's just as cute, but on the inside I just flipped this table over and stabbed you in the arm with a fork. Kids don't even know what they are ordering half the time. "OMG I want celery cause' Peppa Pig eats celery, fucking yay!" & then I have to deal with the doom I foresee coming as a screaming toddler now realizes Peppa Pig is just a fucked up individual for liking celery. Don't worry mom, I put in chicken tenders and fries 5 minutes ago anyways.

6.) Poor tippers. I'm sure this goes without saying for any waitress or person in the service industry. If you go out to eat, your tip should be 20% of your total bill(before your damn coupon too you cheap ass). Servers don't ever see a check and make 2.13 an hour PLUS TIPS. McDonald's is right up the road and it's lustrous golden arches can offer your an array of GMO, MSG and shit that they probably lace bombs with that taste like cardboard on a value menu - don't even have to get out of your car so keep them pajamas on!

That's all for now, until next time.

Incredibly Thrifty



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